Screaming with no voice
Deep void filled with thoughts untold
The sound of silence
With a lifetime of recurring depressive episodes behind me I always try to remain alert to those tell-tale early warning signs, and for me an ominous inner silence often tends to be one of them. This silence does not bring peaceful harmony to my living soul, but sounds stifled, suffocated, stagnant… deathly still.
It seems it’s not just my blog that is suffering from being all surface and no depth lately, I’m not writing anything of note in my private journal either – looking back it’s been full of mindless trivia and forced positivity recently… never a good sign.
Usually I find writing my thoughts and feelings down to be very therapeutic, as it takes time to find the right words to accurately describe what’s going on in my head, which in turn helps clarify my emotional landscape and pinpoint exactly where I am within it. So when that constant creative conversation dries up it’s usually a sign that something somewhere is seriously amiss inside.
Hopefully remaining vigilant to such signs will help me work through whatever is bothering me so deeply, without depression descending… over the years I’ve discovered that avoiding that debilitating sense of helplessness and hopelessness is often enough to keep the worst at bay. So it’s not a case of fighting against it so much as consciously working within the particular parameters of whatever I find before me, in the hope of finding my own way through once more 🙂