A Long Time Dead…

city-of-london-cemetery

There’s an old Scottish proverb that says ‘Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead’. It’s such a lovely sentiment and I do understand the common-sense truth of it. But somewhere between my head and my heart, between thought and feeling, that simple message loses its way, and that loss, that lack, truly saddens me.

I don’t know why I just don’t feel the same about life as other people seem to. I don’t know why depression dogs me so determinedly. I don’t know why I struggle so much with everyday living. But like it or not, I just do. I so badly want to feel differently – to enjoy my life, enjoy living – and I never stop trying to fix whatever is broken within me.

I hold on to hope for dear life, and hope beyond hope that one day I can finally say to myself – ‘Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead’ – and truly feel it at long last… 🙂

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